spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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