tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
