i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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