actually, I'm a sock model
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
