ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I could fuck to npr.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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