saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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