Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
