You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize