erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
