I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Me too!
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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