his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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