Michael Bay diarrhea
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Help me help you realize you are a moron
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
