I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize