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I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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