apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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