Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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