so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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