let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
