Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
