Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
