i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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