If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
