I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
