I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
