So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want to make a zoo with you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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