why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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