Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize