i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
