I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just found puke in my bra..
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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