i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
