So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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