So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
