Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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