Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
