btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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