im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
