Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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