her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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