I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
