his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
