No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
