I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
