there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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