I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
