I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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