then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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