God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
