There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Damn victory sex feels great
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
