This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I cockslap morals
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
