Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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