The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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