Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
