Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize