seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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