That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
