Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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