Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
