But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
