I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
