Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
