your parents love me but you hate me
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
