Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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