The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
