I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
