if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
