I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
