the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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