i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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