5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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