I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
