there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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