Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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