school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
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