So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
