Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
