are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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