Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
