on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
