At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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