Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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