I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
