Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
