If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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